New Blog Feature....

I often find myself asking friends for ideas and suggestions for blog entry subjects, but I rarely get a response to my question. Now, I don't know if I have any regular readers, but I've added a gadget (Blogger Only) to allow visitors to message me directly with comments or suggestions. I hope it allows me the opportunity to blog more often and answer questions. Generally, I am an open book and there are only a few subjects that I cannot or will not respond to.

So... It's there on the right-hand side of the blog (Blogger Only) and anyone and everyone is welcome to make suggestions. Adios!

Getting to know you... Getting to know all about you...

Yes, I actually sang that while typing the title. There's some significance to it, though. I'm the type of person who thinks often about my previous mistakes, associations, relationships, and everything in between. With things as they are lately, I've been thinking more about previous relationships, why they didn't work out, and how to make sure this current thing is something that lasts.

So...back to that title. Yes, it's "Getting to know you" by Bing Crosby. And I believe that NOT doing as that song says is the number one reason why my previous relationships didn't work out. One was a raging alcoholic and I didn't take the time to learn about her to know that beforehand. Another was... ugh, she was something special. All the potential to be intelligent held back by levels of naivete that just boggle the mind. Kinda wish I knew that sooner, too.

Thankfully, that isn't likely to happen with my Cupcake. Because of the distance between us right now, she have plenty of time to get to know each other (hint, hint), while I prepare for the future. That's plenty of time to let each other know what irks us (hint, hint), what we expect from each other (hint, hint), and...well, I was going to say each other's little secrets, but we got that one down packed. (LOFL)

So there it is. We're both troubled in some ways for not being able to be together right this minute, but I WILL be taking advantage of the time and using it to OUR mutual advantage.

Now, I'm no old man yet, I think. I'm 36 years old and am willing to share my experiences and point of view on a few things; especially if it helps others. So remember this post and if you're single, then remember to get to know a person before trying to plant your ass somewhere it doesn't belong.

Peace and good health to anyone who's reading.

Changes...

Change. It can be a frightening thing for many people. I've never been a big fan of change. However, soon I will embrace it.

I am not happy. Home doesn't not feel like home. I've been growing more and more distant from friends; to the point where I only have two, locally. I can't find a job to save my life here. And I really just feel empty and unmotivated anymore.

Motivation is an important thing for me. I'm lazy. There's no way around that description. I have, however, found a new, loving motivator; my Cupcake. With just a few words from her I've been able to put down the cigarettes. With just a few thoughts of her, nightmares fade and I sleep like a baby. So for her, I will embrace change.

With everything going nowhere locally, I'm ready to move on, but only if with or for her. So I have made the decision... My new goal in bettering myself is to leave this place. I plan to turn my back on New Jersey and find myself elsewhere. I already know where the goal location is, but in the interest of keeping at least some things private...I won't say where. Not yet, anyway.

I can't set a specific date, yet, but I'm considering the proverbial countdown begun. It might be a while, but I'm coming, Cupcake.

Another dreadful feeling...

Very recently, I lost touch with a close friend. For her privacy/protection, I won't mention her name, but she has had a rough time with life and it's gotten her into some trouble over the years. Honestly, I do not know her whole story. I can only say that I have been proud to call her a friend and equally as proud to be someone she knew she can turn to. I love her dearly and consider her a little sister.

Apparently, she got into some sort of trouble and her last, public, post simply stated so and that she would be unreachable. I replied that, as a friend, I'd be waiting for her return and for her to not be a stranger. Within days, ALL of her social media accounts (that I'm aware of) have since been deleted.

I don't know what has happened and can only wish her well. She's shared quite a bit with me over the past year and I have a strong understanding of some of the hell she's been through. With that knowledge and the current events...I'm frightened for her. Especially after the cold and ominous message I finally received in reply that stated, "Yep, she ain't ever coming back."

(Forgot to screenshot it, but I was immediately blocked or the account deleted anyway.)

I hope to catch up with her again one day. More so, I hope that she is well...soon.

She is a younger friend and I've tried very hard to be a mentor and guide for her; especially since, it seems, too often, that no one else will. I have the proud knowledge of being told, in her own words, that she looked to me as a big brother and sometimes a father figure; to the point of her claiming that if not for me, she may not have been here as long as she has. She is like a sister to me and I miss her dearly, already.

I feel as though I have failed her. As though there was something more I could have done. I'm probably being hard on myself, but someone needs to be. This world is failing this girl and we all owe her our hands and help.

If you ever come across this, know that I'm still here for you.

My friend and sister, you will be in my thoughts.

Jersey will be my past...

EDIT: Ok, this post turned into more of a letter. My bad.

The title says it all. I have a new goal in life and I WILL see it through. It will, however, take some time. It's a big move and a big chance for me. It doesn't help that I've been out of work for a while, but I won't let that be an excuse to fail. I can't fail anyway. I've got the supreme motivator on my side... My Cupcake. Yup; her again.

Not that I needed any more motivation, as I was already planning to do this, but actually saying it to her and pointing out some of the roadblocks ahead makes it seem more like a step forward and less like a pipe dream.

Speaking of dreams... I wonder what tonight's dreams will hold. I often speak of not remembering my dreams, but in truth, I've been dreaming of her every night since February. More often than not, it's just some subtle romance, but you can never know.

Cupcake, if you're reading this, I love you. I can't set a date, yet, but Ishy's coming for you. Nobody and nothing will get in my way. If you believe in nothing else... Believe in me.

Love you, Cupcake

PS
Seems like we have tonight's conversation every now and again, huh? ;-P

Still Remains Lyrics by Stone Temple Pilots (Lyrics Video)

An old favorite of mine...

Almost A Full Week Smoke-Free

Late evening, Friday, June 26, 2015, I smoked what should be my last cigarette. Much of life is about motivation. Motivation is something I lack... severely. So, while having a few beers with my friend, Rick, I got onto Snapchat and snapped a picture of my cigarette and asked for some motivation.

And Motivation is exactly what I got...from a very special source. It's not much of a secret that I have a special someone in my life, who I only refer to as Cupcake, that I am very fond of. Snapchat is our chatting tool of choice and, of course, she responded to my public snap. It was short, sweet, and right to the point. She gave me my motivation and I didn't even need to be bribed. ;-)

That's it. That's all I needed. Oh, I'm sorry... Did you think I was going to show her face? Nah. That would defeat the purpose of hiding her name, Silly. Jokes aside, I've been doing very well with quitting. I've switched to vaping to start weaning myself off of nicotine, while immediately cutting out all that other crap they put into them any more. So I thought I'd post a progress report. The two images, below, should say it all, really.

 

As you can see, the initial health improvements that come from quitting are going just fine. On top of that, my initial investment in vaping will pay for itself by tomorrow. AND, by then, I'll have avoided 100 cigarettes. Feels like it should be more, but that's still great.

Here's to more time without smoking, being there when Cupcake needs me, and saving money... Because that's always... ALWAYS... nice, too.