Because I almost forgot about my poor Blogger.

Just chilling on the laundry line.

I found a caterpillar. I let him free at the tree in the yard.

Testing Testing

Testing Windows Live Writer

Common Sense Gun Laws...where is it?

Is it asking too much for 2nd Amendment & gun law supporters to find a gray area to settle down in...peacefully? You know, like agreeing that gun ownership is a perfectly fine right, but that being able to mow through a crowd of people in the time it takes to light a cigarette is a little overkill?

Seriously...who are there so many people on either side of the debate and (apparently) so few in the common sense middle-ground?

Loveless? Loneliness Is Underrated.

     I like things. I like to observe friends, family, and strangers. I like to be in the background, most times. I use to like the idea of being in a relationship, though, like most people, I do often miss the physical warmth it brings. The contradiction there is that I hate to be touched. So many people around me are looking for that special someone. They feel incomplete without someone in their lives. Somehow, I do not. I do not feel that I need to have someone at my side anymore. As you may imagine, yes, it does get lonely some times. However, most times I find it to be just fine.

     I just don't see the point. Perhaps it is due to my goals...or lack there of. I don't particularly like children, so I have no intentions of having any of my own, though that is not to say that I can't love the child(ren) of a woman that I do grow fond of. I just don't want any of my own. And if I can skip the diaper years...even better. I've learned the hard way (hopefully without hurting anyone along the way) that while I like being useful, I don't like being depended on. And even more so, I want little more than to be able to lay my head down at night...alone...with only my thoughts. The company that being with a significant other is nice, but I prefer being insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

     I also find that most people tend to either live their lives selfishly, for their own childish desires and narcissism or they live their lives for someone else...thus diminishing their own self-value. Of course, there's also those who live properly, for self-fulfillment and empowerment, and some who manage to do this while living for another and finding fulfillment in the dying art of a Healthy Relationship. That would be what I view as the four of the five major types of people. The fifth, much like myself, walk the line of lively properly and being totally lost. While I do much of what I manage to do primarily for others, much of it is also my own attempt to find fulfillment...and I'd like to find it alone; without someone standing by and looking over my shoulder for me at every turn.

     Yes, that sounds like I'm mainly annoyed in relationships and that's probably because it's true. Yes, as social animals, we naturally crave a certain amount of attention or affection from those around us, but I would be lying terribly if I didn't admit that sometimes, I just don't care. I've grown (or weakened) from emotionally stolid to emotionally impotent. And I'm okay with that.

     Yes, I am lonely...but loneliness is underrated.

Teachers and Technology

How out of date is out of date? And whose responsibility is it to be sure that a teacher or professor is up to par on the technologies available to them? Classroom technologies have grown to allow potential studies to study and succeed, while allowing them to continue on with their work and personal lives. However, not all professors or teachers necessarily know how to use these technologies to the best of their potential. Should we, as students, be demanding more? If we are to be taught to survive in this world, shouldn't our teachers be moving along with the times? Whose job is it to be sure that students' education does not falter because the teacher or professor can't use the tools provided? And if any particular teacher or professor refuses to educate themselves with the use of these tools...should he or she be continuing to teach at all?

Once upon a time...

     I'm not one to give much relationship advice, unless someone is in an obviously bad relationship and needs reassuring that it's time to end it. Far too many of my friends have been in abusive, parasitic, or go-nowhere relationships. While I have not personally been in too many relationships of my own, I can at least say that a huge part of the reason why lies in the fact that I will not simply settle on what's in front of me or enter a relationship when I know I'm not ready to be in one. It was a hard lesson, but at least I haven't made that mistake a second time.

     I am very much NOT the person to give relationship advice, anyway. While I do miss the special (non-sexual) intimacy that comes with having a significant other, I find that I mostly appreciate being insignificant. I don't mind being depended on, but I loathe the expectations that come with it. I should admit, however, that much of this comes from the willful and utterly intentional promise of giving my all and then feeling, at times, that it's not enough. I know we can only do so much for another, but I often spread myself thin and wonder where do my needs begin and where hers end; whoever she may be at the time.

     It's partially a feeling of inadequacy and partially selfishness. Or maybe not selfishness, but that previously mentioned love of being insignificant. Sometimes I genuinely like being alone, unattended to, or unneeded. It's  like a paradox that hits me hard. Like running into a wall. I think the biggest doubt, sometimes, is in simply knowing that I built it myself. I love to love, but eventually find it overbearing and unnecessarily react as though the weight of the world is on my shoulders...because when I love someone, I love them wholly and want to give them perfection...even though I don't believe in such nonsense. I subconsciously make that my goal and then I fail. Or is the failure simply in making the attempt at giving more of myself than one can ever be? Yeah, that sounds about right.

     But as I said, I find a pleasure in insignificance. To quote Christopher Walken as Maximilliam Shreck in Batman Returns, "If my life has a meaning, that's demeaning." I've always loved that quote. I believe in it sincerely. We live, we die, and some believe repeat. I don't surely know about that last part, but I believe this much: more often than not, what one does in this life amounts to little. Life is meant to be lived for the joy of now and it need not be found living solely for another.

- Peace and Good Health to All.
- Ish

Oh my...

I don't always exorcize the demons... But when I do, I find myself a little out of shape. I sincerely feel like I ran a marathon last night. Where's some Icy Hot and a cold bottle of water when I need it?

In other news... I will likely be sleeping damn near all day. Zzzzzz

Um, hi.

I'm not quite sure what will be featured here. Eventually some of my old poetry will make it up. Maybe some random postings of interesting events, though I don't really do much. Vents, rants, etc. We'll see.