Loveless? Loneliness Is Underrated.

     I like things. I like to observe friends, family, and strangers. I like to be in the background, most times. I use to like the idea of being in a relationship, though, like most people, I do often miss the physical warmth it brings. The contradiction there is that I hate to be touched. So many people around me are looking for that special someone. They feel incomplete without someone in their lives. Somehow, I do not. I do not feel that I need to have someone at my side anymore. As you may imagine, yes, it does get lonely some times. However, most times I find it to be just fine.

     I just don't see the point. Perhaps it is due to my goals...or lack there of. I don't particularly like children, so I have no intentions of having any of my own, though that is not to say that I can't love the child(ren) of a woman that I do grow fond of. I just don't want any of my own. And if I can skip the diaper years...even better. I've learned the hard way (hopefully without hurting anyone along the way) that while I like being useful, I don't like being depended on. And even more so, I want little more than to be able to lay my head down at night...alone...with only my thoughts. The company that being with a significant other is nice, but I prefer being insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

     I also find that most people tend to either live their lives selfishly, for their own childish desires and narcissism or they live their lives for someone else...thus diminishing their own self-value. Of course, there's also those who live properly, for self-fulfillment and empowerment, and some who manage to do this while living for another and finding fulfillment in the dying art of a Healthy Relationship. That would be what I view as the four of the five major types of people. The fifth, much like myself, walk the line of lively properly and being totally lost. While I do much of what I manage to do primarily for others, much of it is also my own attempt to find fulfillment...and I'd like to find it alone; without someone standing by and looking over my shoulder for me at every turn.

     Yes, that sounds like I'm mainly annoyed in relationships and that's probably because it's true. Yes, as social animals, we naturally crave a certain amount of attention or affection from those around us, but I would be lying terribly if I didn't admit that sometimes, I just don't care. I've grown (or weakened) from emotionally stolid to emotionally impotent. And I'm okay with that.

     Yes, I am lonely...but loneliness is underrated.