The Beatles - And I Love Her (Official Video with Lyrics)

Well, it seems it finally happened. I wish I hadn't deleted the post when I predicted it. She met someone... I don't think there's anything else to say.

"We're the ones who still believe..."

"Silently reflection turns my world to stone
Patiently correction leaves us all alone
And sometimes I'm a travel man
But tonight this engine's failing

I still hear the children playing"

The Killers - Tranquilize Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

I can be selfish, too...

I am not blind to my own selfishness.

I know full well how much of what I do for others is more for me.

I understand how I've let others down by not fulfilling my own potential.

I have witnessed my own relationships bleed out because of my impatience with others.

I have bathed in the flame of my own disillusion because it was easier than explaining myself.

And I have fought with others who had seen through my own single-mindedness.

Another dreadful feeling...

Very recently, I lost touch with a close friend. For her privacy/protection, I won't mention her name, but she has had a rough time with life and it's gotten her into some trouble over the years. Honestly, I do not know her whole story. I can only say that I have been proud to call her a friend and equally as proud to be someone she knew she can turn to. I love her dearly and consider her a little sister.

Apparently, she got into some sort of trouble and her last, public, post simply stated so and that she would be unreachable. I replied that, as a friend, I'd be waiting for her return and for her to not be a stranger. Within days, ALL of her social media accounts (that I'm aware of) have since been deleted.

I don't know what has happened and can only wish her well. She's shared quite a bit with me over the past year and I have a strong understanding of some of the hell she's been through. With that knowledge and the current events...I'm frightened for her. Especially after the cold and ominous message I finally received in reply that stated, "Yep, she ain't ever coming back."

(Forgot to screenshot it, but I was immediately blocked or the account deleted anyway.)

I hope to catch up with her again one day. More so, I hope that she is well...soon.

She is a younger friend and I've tried very hard to be a mentor and guide for her; especially since, it seems, too often, that no one else will. I have the proud knowledge of being told, in her own words, that she looked to me as a big brother and sometimes a father figure; to the point of her claiming that if not for me, she may not have been here as long as she has. She is like a sister to me and I miss her dearly, already.

I feel as though I have failed her. As though there was something more I could have done. I'm probably being hard on myself, but someone needs to be. This world is failing this girl and we all owe her our hands and help.

If you ever come across this, know that I'm still here for you.

My friend and sister, you will be in my thoughts.

I feel like I'm breaking...

I'm really not feeling life right now. It just seems like every aspect of life that I have been looking at lately is breaking or broken... Fading away or wasn't there to begin with. Health? Crap. Education? Too late. Work? What work? Relationships? Strained at best, in most cases. Even with friends, I feel alone; like I'm just following the routine.

Then there's another feeling... This dreadful emptiness. I can't even properly express it. I don't know where it comes from. I felt it before, but I thought it was long gone. My eyes tear up for no apparent reason and I just want to lay down, sleep, and never wake. And the worst part? I no longer have the motivation to know why or fix it.

Only one thing really makes me feel more complete anymore, but it's not fair for me to interrupt her living her life right now. And she so far away, anyway.

And there's my back. It's acting up again. Pretty badly at that. It hurts to stand, walk, sit, lay down, even to breathe in too deeply. I'm pretty sure it's just a sprain, but it's really putting a wedge into trying to move on past these other feelings.

I don't know anymore. I've been holding this in for a while now. I just needed to get it out before it's too late to think about it. I just don't know...