I'm really not feeling life right now. It just seems like every aspect of life that I have been looking at lately is breaking or broken... Fading away or wasn't there to begin with. Health? Crap. Education? Too late. Work? What work? Relationships? Strained at best, in most cases. Even with friends, I feel alone; like I'm just following the routine.
Then there's another feeling... This dreadful emptiness. I can't even properly express it. I don't know where it comes from. I felt it before, but I thought it was long gone. My eyes tear up for no apparent reason and I just want to lay down, sleep, and never wake. And the worst part? I no longer have the motivation to know why or fix it.
Only one thing really makes me feel more complete anymore, but it's not fair for me to interrupt her living her life right now. And she so far away, anyway.
And there's my back. It's acting up again. Pretty badly at that. It hurts to stand, walk, sit, lay down, even to breathe in too deeply. I'm pretty sure it's just a sprain, but it's really putting a wedge into trying to move on past these other feelings.
I don't know anymore. I've been holding this in for a while now. I just needed to get it out before it's too late to think about it. I just don't know...
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