Ishy's Misadventures: Bare-assed

Ishy Note: I have a HORRIBLE sense of time, so I can't give dates to the stories I sharing under "Ishy's Misadventures." I promise they're always true, though I'll only share the best of them, so there aren't too many. I'm just going to share one at random here and there.

Ishy's Misadventures: Bare-Assed

The title says it all...mostly. A few years ago, I use to party in Greenwich, New Jersey. Sadly, things have happened since, so I no longer associate with that group of people, but here's one of the semi-funnier stories from those nights.

So there was a time in my life where just the right amount of alcohol mixed with a serving of bad ideas, a hint of suggestion, and a whole lot of 2Shizzied...served with ice...would bring out some of those Ishy moments that I wish either never happened or at least blacked out from memory. This particular event would involve half a case of Natural Ice (yeah, it was bad) and miscellaneous rums or vodka. (Note: Don't try this at home, kids.)

Some time, in the middle of the night, the party broke into it's usual separate groups and micro-cliques. And I, being the Social Mothra that I am, would swoop down from group to group to terrorize the titties, uh, I mean people. In my defense, half the girls we hung out with, at the time, would whip them out at the drop of a dime anyway, so I was just trying to make sure that I motorboat'ed, I mean... "made" the most of the show(s).

Anyway, somewhere in my drunken rage, I decided that (after some subtle suggestion from a friend) it would be a GREAT idea to climb to the top of this tall antennae on the property. I got maybe three quarters of the way up before the party noticed and warned me down. I didn't want to come down, but they insisted and I'm nice like that, so I dropped down to the roof of their garage, where we often hang out on anyway.

While there, I came to an epiphany..."they should all kiss my ass." You're probably asking how I would get that going with so many people around...and you'd be right to ask. It was simple, really. I yelled out at the top of my lungs for their attention and waited until the whole party was ready...and immediately mooned the entire party in one shot. I'm talented like that. However, there is one talent that I do not have...balance! As I turned to laugh, pulling my pants up, I slipped and landed bare-assed down the roof's slanted top.

I still remember the feeling of sliding down that rough, shingled rooftop...and the landing after I slid clean off the edge; barely missing my friend's wife's car. It... It wasn't fun. Not at all. I could barely sit or walk right for a couple of days and it would be months before they left me forget it.

Moral of the Story:

1. Watch how much you drink.
2. Don't listen to your idiot friends.
3. Don't climb things you shouldn't.
4. Mooning isn't always funny.
5. Neither is falling off the roof.
6. Ishy4Shizzy gets a little 2Shizzy sometimes.