Another New Project to try...

I found the tattered folder of my old poetry. I've had quite a bit of writer's block for years and just gave up. However, in lieu of the writer's block, I think I'm going to try to convert all these old poems (regardless of how bad most of them are) into digital form. As I do, I'll share some of the better ones.

Mind you... "Better" doesn't necessarily mean "Good."

Writing, House of Cards (poetry)

I use to write... a lot. A LOT. Mostly poetry and mostly bad, though I've had a few here and there that I felt were pretty good. I recently found my old folders of poetry, while cleaning in the basement. I'm considering gathering what's left together and typing them all up; a little at a time, of course. I some of the better ones MIGHT be already, but I'd like to have them all together one day, even the ones that suck. I've included one of my favorites below and it's link to my old Deviant Art profile. Nothing special there... I barely ever used it.

"House Of Cards" by MdKnight (my old pen name)

For those who don't care to follow the link...

House of Cards
by MdKnight

started over
slate uncleaned
strong foundation
so it seemed

future secure
future bright
could not see
try as i might

lied to self
before we parted
future shattered
before it started

tears like rivers
voiceless cries
never succeed
lost the prize

All too quiet
not a sound
another "would be"
crumbled down

Broken Mirror Reflection Of Only Half A Man

Sometimes I forget my age... Some of the past. Old names and their meanings.

Let us go way back to Myspace. I think, in those days, I had some of the most creative names and online aliases. Some just "sounded cool," while others had deep, personal meanings. One of them has recently come to mind, though I'm not sure why. However, I remember some of its meanings and how they still will relate today.

The name? "Broken Mirror Reflection Of Only Half A Man." Yes, it's a bit of a mouthful. Some Myspace names were like that back then. I couldn't tell you what goes on there now.

During the time when I chose that name, I lost some good friends, in various manners. It also was feeling quite down on myself for a lot of little and not so little things; my weight, loneliness, that loss of friends, go-nowhere job, and feelings of failure and inadequacy. Some of those feelings still haunt me, but at the same time, they provide a degree of strength.

I was a...

• Broken Mirror Reflection Of Only Half A Man... Who never could find fulfillment in the people around him. More often than not... I still can't.
• Broken Mirror Reflection Of Only Half A Man... Who just wanted to be left alone. Many times, I still do.
• Broken Mirror Reflection Of Only Half A Man... Who hated what he was and what be became when he tried to change. This time around, I'm much happier with who I am. Usually.
• Broken Mirror Reflection Of Only Half A Man... Who longed for something he could not have. Again, I've moved on past this. In fact, I've found something better. #Cupcake

If that said, I'll hold on to "Broken Mirror Reflection Of Only Half A Man" because I like to think I held on to the better half. The half that grew into someone better. The half that got to be alone and found his peace. And the half that wanted more and found it. I've broken a few mirrors in my time, but what's left of them will still show the better half of a man-made better... Even if I don't always feel like it.

I can be selfish, too...

I am not blind to my own selfishness.

I know full well how much of what I do for others is more for me.

I understand how I've let others down by not fulfilling my own potential.

I have witnessed my own relationships bleed out because of my impatience with others.

I have bathed in the flame of my own disillusion because it was easier than explaining myself.

And I have fought with others who had seen through my own single-mindedness.

Getting to know you... Getting to know all about you...

Yes, I actually sang that while typing the title. There's some significance to it, though. I'm the type of person who thinks often about my previous mistakes, associations, relationships, and everything in between. With things as they are lately, I've been thinking more about previous relationships, why they didn't work out, and how to make sure this current thing is something that lasts.

So...back to that title. Yes, it's "Getting to know you" by Bing Crosby. And I believe that NOT doing as that song says is the number one reason why my previous relationships didn't work out. One was a raging alcoholic and I didn't take the time to learn about her to know that beforehand. Another was... ugh, she was something special. All the potential to be intelligent held back by levels of naivete that just boggle the mind. Kinda wish I knew that sooner, too.

Thankfully, that isn't likely to happen with my Cupcake. Because of the distance between us right now, she have plenty of time to get to know each other (hint, hint), while I prepare for the future. That's plenty of time to let each other know what irks us (hint, hint), what we expect from each other (hint, hint), and...well, I was going to say each other's little secrets, but we got that one down packed. (LOFL)

So there it is. We're both troubled in some ways for not being able to be together right this minute, but I WILL be taking advantage of the time and using it to OUR mutual advantage.

Now, I'm no old man yet, I think. I'm 36 years old and am willing to share my experiences and point of view on a few things; especially if it helps others. So remember this post and if you're single, then remember to get to know a person before trying to plant your ass somewhere it doesn't belong.

Peace and good health to anyone who's reading.