Fear

I do not fear Death. I repeat, I do not fear Death. I do, however, have some fears that hunt me from time to time. Generally, I keep them to myself, but since they've been disturbing my sleep cycle lately, I thought I'd share them and see if letting that out helps any.

My fears are few, but they are just strong enough to stab at my happiness from time to time. And they include:

• Flying
• Drowning
• Loosing touch with myself
• Loosing touch with the people who matter
• Evil fucking bugs that jump or have way too many legs

Flying/Drowning

I can not swim. I can not float. And I sure as hell can not hold my breath for very long. Flying is not the most peachy idea for me, either, but it's flying over water that really gets to me. I have yet to actually fly, but if I ever do, I would rather fly over land, so that if there is a crash, at least it's been a quick death on impact and not a slow surviving few moments before drowning in the ocean. Serious, there's only one thing will have me flying, if I can avoid it, and she knows who she is. (I swear, she's in every other post, but I love her, so it's all good.)

Loosing Touch With Myself

I like to think I am a mix of modern and old fashioned. I have many modern views, but hold to them with some very old fashioned standards. Many of the views I hold stem from various developing beliefs or experiences. One of my biggest fears is forgetting who I am and why. For instance, I love to help people, but we humans are horrible, horrible lifeforms some times. It is a test of patience to keep calm and patient with people. Sometimes, I feel like I'm on the verge of forgetting who I am and reverting to the old me; the anger-filled and semi-violent me. The me without a care in the world. The self-serving asshole with an agenda within and agenda. I hated that me and I would like to consider him dead and buried.

Loosing Touch With The People Who Matter

This is another big fear of mine. Becoming who I am and staying me is not done without a special few people in my life and some who left it. Yes, some people have helped me by leaving. However, no one is perfect and even some of these people test me in ways that make me want to turn around and walk away some times. They're mostly good people at heart, but even good people can be self-serving hypocrites or benders of the truth; like those with shaky loyalties or "adaptable morals." In hindsight, maybe loosing some of these people would not be such a bad thing after all. Maybe some people really do serve a purpose and need to move on. Maybe I should move on.

Evil Fucking Bugs That Jump Or Have Way Too Many Legs

I use to love my scorpions and tarantulas, but that's where I draw the line. If it has more than eight legs or jumps...it must be killed with fire. Centipedes and millipedes are the closest thing to the devil this word has. And bugs, like spider-crickets, are their evil minions. There are few things worse than waking up to a centipede or millipede just a few feet from your head on wall and then to have a spider-cricket jump at you out of nowhere, when you try to dispatch the centi/milli-pede monstrosity from Hell. Fuck that.

That is all.